Relationships follows a generally common flow over a lifespan that is dependent on how long we can remain in a state of good communication, tolerance and love. The three factors, good communication, tolerance and love are fundamentals in the maintenance of a healthy and loving relationship.

I believe we could add more fundamentals to the list, but as a very basic baseline these are the ones that need to be cultivated and nurtured consistently, otherwise the relationship will dwindle at some point. 

Every relationship at the beginning will create a baseline. What I mean by baseline, is when we are eager and willing to seduce our potentially new partner with all our good qualities. This includes being consistent with language and communication, being tactile, being helpful, wanting to spoil your partner with gifts or lovely gestures. This is fundamentally where the five love languages potentially goes wrong. In the sense that we all have the capacity to want to use every single one of the love languages when we are “in process” of seducing. 

The irony is that when we are in the seduction phase, we will literally use all of the love languages available to us and do so in a consistent fashion until the courting phase is over and the sexual phase begins. Once the sexual phase begins, this is often where we find a shift in the consistency of the love languages that we have been showing.

One of the most important principles that every man needs to learn is the principle of sexual energy transference. Simply put, this is one’s ability to draw on feminine energy as a source of inspiration for greater projects and our higher purpose as men. The level of inspiration drawn from the feminine muse is incomparable to being influenced by masculinity. The saying “love can move mountains” is a good example of the power of love. But in this context, it is using the power of inspiration from the feminine and apply it well.

The moment we succumb to the power of the feminine energy and want to own it and take it and “penetrate it”, is the moment where we have gone completely into our root chakra or animalistic ways of relating and simply want to be sexual. The need for sexual gratification overrides the need for creation and life purpose and once we have acquired this, unless extremely conscious, we fall back into the objectification of the woman in question. Ultimately, the man has been satiated by the sexual and the potential for using the feminine energy for creation has been paused.

Sex in its true powerful and hormonally toxic level is wonderous to enjoy. It is meant to be primitive and connected and devouring in nature. I am definitely not against this. What I am suggesting to be mindful of is that the baseline to any relationship will be established the moment we begin to relate to the person we are pursuing.

Take these points into consideration:

1.     If you text 5 times a day and get the girl, there will be an unspoken expectation that you should continue messaging 5 times a day.

2.     If you are consistently taking her out for lavish dinners and spending loads of money, you have once again established a benchmark that needs to be upheld because unless negotiated, there will be an unspoken expectation that you will continue to do so.

3.     The number of times you want to have sex. We often get very eager to please in the beginning stages of a relationship, much like the five love languages I mentioned above. But when it comes to sex, if you are managing 3 times a day every day, you are definitely setting yourself up for an expectation that the sexual relationship will be upheld. 

4.     Your level of communication at the beginning will no doubt be more caring and attentive and definitely more present. If you do not manage to maintain your level of understanding, communication and presence in the relationship going forward, then there will be inevitable problems to arise.

5.     We all have one or two potential love languages, and I draw on this concept because not only is it applicable to the whole population in a very simplistic but effective manner, it is also essential in knowing what you are setting yourself up for going forward. If you introduce all five with a high volume, there will be the expectation that not only the volume to a certain degree is maintained, but the frequency most importantly. 

So…

I have directed the conversation predominantly to men, but the same principles apply to women in the creation of a baseline with men. Whatever we do at the beginning stages of the relationship sets a precedence for how the relationship will follow. We naturally create expectations without actually thinking about them and consciously speaking about them with our new and future partner.

This is one of the greatest errors we can make when it comes to engaging in any relationship, be it friendship or intimate partner. The ability to give voice to your expectations prompts the other person to do the same and eventually nurture a solid bench mark where you both have minimised the potential disappointment that follows suit in so many relationships.