The Blog

In my blog, I explore a wide range of topics related to relationships, sexuality, and mental well-being. Each post is designed to provide insights, practical tools, and fresh perspectives to help you navigate the complexities of love, intimacy, and personal growth. Whether you're looking to deepen your connection with your partner or enhance your overall well-being, my articles offer valuable guidance grounded in my work as a sexologist and therapist.

The Two Polarities of a Relationship: Can You Support My Freedom While You Heal Yourself?

accepting change in your partner existential sex therapy relationships healing while in a relationship relationship freedom vs codependency relationship transformation and growth supporting growth in relationships the waiting game in love untragic endings in relationships Aug 18, 2025

The Two Polarities of a Relationship: Can You Support My Freedom While You Heal Yourself?

The Waiting Game

I’ve been practicing as a therapist for quite a while now. It’s been an interesting experience, because there is no greater privilege than working with the lived worlds of people—realities that only a select few ever get to see. To me, this is something sacred.

I don’t believe we give enough credit to people stepping into therapy or choosing the stance of healing. Mental health is invisible, and most of the time we only scratch the surface of what someone is truly going through when they are suffering internally.

Freedom as the Bedrock of Love

What I’ve come to discover is this: if I can facilitate my partner’s freedom, and they can facilitate mine—whichever way we each need—then we’ve found the bedrock of a flourishing relationship.

But here’s where things take a turn. Freedom sounds wonderful, yet the deeper we go into the relationship, the more we risk falling into co-dependency. We lose independence because this person becomes our person. Instead of staying non-attached and keeping freedom as the central value, we begin building a home where fear of loss mixes into the cement.

That fear—fear of loss, fear of endings—slowly becomes the rot that eats away at the freedom we both crave and need.

Growth, Change, and the Illusion of “What Was”

I’ve seen this countless times: two people who love each other profoundly eventually face the reality that growth is inevitable. Over time, we reveal more of who we are. At first, it can seem as if something has been hidden all along—but in truth, it’s simply the natural unfolding of change.

Imagine if we stayed exactly the same from day one of meeting someone. Impossible.

I watched a movie recently called FOE (spoiler alert). My takeaway from the ending was this: we often fall in love with the version of someone we first knew, the version we hold in our hearts—not the person they continue becoming. And when this gap emerges, no amount of “uno reverse” can take us back. That’s when we fall into a fantasy bond with what was, instead of relating to what is.

The Hardest Ask: Accepting Change

Here’s a truth I share with every couple: if you cannot accept change in your partner—or if you resist it—you need to look inward. Change is not a betrayal; it is a fact of being alive.

There is nothing more beautiful than being met by someone who accepts you completely, warts and all. But rarer still is the person who not only accepts your changes but celebrates them.

That doesn’t mean they have to remain in the relationship forever. Sometimes change is so drastic that values no longer align. That’s real. But even then, we can still celebrate the other’s becoming.

Endings Without Tragedy

One of my favourite chapters comes from a book called Untragic Endings. Its premise is simple: endings do not need to be tragic. They don’t require rage, shadow, or pain. Instead, they can be seen as beautiful and meaningful—moments that shaped us, grew us, and brought us here.

Meeting an ending with appreciation, compassion, and love doesn’t make it any less of an ending. But it transforms it into something dignified. And it leaves the door open for roads to converge again one day.

The Waiting Game: Freedom vs Neutrality

In every relationship, there are seasons where one partner grows faster than the other. Patience matters. If the partner in transformation still supports your freedom, respect and understanding come more easily.

But when no work is being done—when one remains stagnant—the partner who is striving for freedom will eventually feel trapped. Resentment takes root.

So the polarity stands:

Can you support my freedom while you heal yourself?
Can I support your freedom while I heal myself?

This is the waiting game. It is also the equation of love.

Vaya con Dios.

Need more help

Sometimes we all need a little extra support, and that's okay. If you're feeling stuck, struggling with a relationship, or simply want to make positive changes in your life, I’m here to walk that journey with you. The most meaningful step for you is to reach out and try a free session to see if we can resolve this.

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The Blog

The Two Polarities of a Relationship: Can You Support My Freedom While You Heal Yourself?

The Two Polarities of a Relationship: Can You Support My Freedom While You Heal Yourself?

The Waiting Game

Freedom as the Bedrock of Love

Growth, Change, and the Illusion of “What Was”

The Hardest Ask: Accepting Change

Endings Without Tragedy

The Waiting Game: Freedom vs Neutrality

Need more help

Get life strategies

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