I’ve not always been kind to myself in life, although from the outside my demeanour has always served as a suitable armour for the internal battle I was always in. I always thought that it protected me from getting hurt or prevented me from facing the vulnerability that was bubbling under the surface. But most importantly it protected me from facing myself and allowing me to be as authentic a version of me as possible.

The three positions we need to make sense of for ourselves:

1.     Ignoring yourself

2.     Making love to yourself

3.     Raping yourself

I’d say the making love to myself was the last on the list because my mindset always fluctuated between ignoring myself and raping myself. When I was 10 years old, I was taught how to drive. And when the man in question was teaching me, the manner in which he explained using a clutch has always stayed with me.

He explained that the clutch is like chipping a tooth, if your gentle with it and know when to add pressure in relation to the gas pedal you’ll never chip a tooth, but when your clumsy and not cognisant of what you’re doing, the slipping of the clutch is like chipping a tooth for the car. Even to this day when I slip a clutch because of a lazy leg it brings this memory back of the 10 year old boy listening to the instruction. 

The point of the story is that there is always a zone of optimum efficiency or functionality. We can call this the “Teachers Edge”. It is first and foremost a teacher because this zone of optimum functionality is always teaching us where we thrive and moves away from “ignoring yourself”. It is also an edge because if we push any further we do damage to ourselves leading into “raping oneself”

So this art form is a manner in which I use to make my way through life on all levels. The “Teachers Edge” is the perfect way of not allowing yourself to ignore yourself because this is the first problem we often face. The problem of complacency. This is where you can recognise that there are problems bubbling under the surface but are not willing or striving enough to actually face up to the concerns. This in of itself will cause problems to manifest in the body and later prove difficult to adjust because of this ignorance. 

The second problem we face is “raping yourself”. This is a very harsh term, but the reality is that we often to this to ourselves. Take training as an example. Instead of trying to find the “Teachers Edge” and being consistent in searching for that optimum point, we think if we push harder past this point we will acquire greater benefit. This is counterintuitive because it is through consistency that we achieve the greatest results. You do this in training, and more than likely you will experience an injury. The principle can be applied through your life. You’re late for work, and you try push harder to make up for lost time and bang you have an accident. This forcefulness with life will never help to the extent you want it to.

This brings me to the point that I have found most difficult. The other two positions became easy as I’m sure it has done for many people. It was so common sense to me and I continued this way of relating to myself for years. 

Once I understood the “Teachers Edge”, it has always proven a wonderful counter weight to when I fall into ignoring myself or raping myself. By consciously allowing myself to look for this workable principle in daily life, I can navigate myself into a place where it is about making love to myself. This is true love, because you are always the authoritative parent with yourself. You know when to give care and affection, but you also know when to be boundaried enough and strong enough with yourself to push that little bit more so you move away from the comfort zone towards the zone of optimum functionality. 

We all have a different “Teachers Edge”, and we should all be exploring to know where our limits are on this scale. Some people need more nurturing than others and that is ok too. This is about you and what you find effective for you. Effective enough that you are constantly adding a pressure that keeps life progressive and smooth, not forceful where you might metaphorically chip a tooth.