I, at the best of times am very critical of my male counterparts because I truly believe that we have an abundance of potential in being able to add pure value to all of the systems we find ourselves in.

Moreover, when I hear statements like “all men are the same”, “men only have one thing on their mind” etc, it would be very easy to generalise across the population and agree. But there is a rather big voice inside of me that screams not all men are the same. And if we are the same, there is a point where I’d like to think that we ALL change.

I do believe that men in contrast to women are less conscious in our younger years and I believe that is part of the problem. Our consciousness takes time and there is no set time frame as to when this happens. But when it happens, it is like switching a light switch, and we become very different.

We are able to see the error in our ways and move away from laddish behaviour because we can recognise that that doesn’t serve us when we realise that exploring depth and being present overrides all the experiences we had during our immature masculine years.

This is also not to rubbish the “immature masculine” years too, because those are the years of fumbling around trying to make sense of everything. We as men need to learn the hard way and make mistakes and be able to adjust our course. The problem comes in when we are judged to such a point that one way of being supposedly defines you to the core and in everyone else’s eyes.

“He is a player and always will be a player”… well maybe, but let me tell you the second a man evolves into his more mature masculine and moves away from toxic behaviours to more holistic behaviours. He knows very well what he was like before. The difference is he doesn’t feel it necessary to shame himself to himself. The shame more often than not comes in from an external source. The same goes for needing to relive his past behaviours. In his mind there is no reason to relive past behaviours and memories because once we reach the point of evolving we fixate on the process and desire to completely erase the past because it doesn’t serve us any longer.

This is one of the reasons why you see a lot of men getting frustrated when they are forced into conversation to relive past experiences. There is an immediate recognition of the wrongness involved in the past behaviour and I do not doubt for a second that if there was a way to correct or erase the experience most men would do so to alleviate the pain caused in someone else. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they would erase the experience per se, because it is these experiences that aid in our development and give us perspective. But if it involves someone else and that someone else was hurt emotionally in the process, we would all step up to erase it.

It is at this point of our journey inwards that we find it incredibly difficult to relate to a lot of people and on many occasions retreat inwards because on the one hand people have a particular image of who we are, but then on the other hand we ourselves do not relate to that self-image any longer. We unfortunately are made to revisit that self-image time and time again because others have not let go of the experiences attached to that self-image. It is through this process that many if not all of us have experienced and continue to experience a silencing in ourselves. 

I am all for the development of the feminine and you can gather that most of my writing is about the celebration of the feminine, but I too celebrate the masculine. I do not celebrate the toxic masculine because I understand the shame I have towards that side of myself before reaching the point that I am at now. This doesn’t however mean that I will continue to shame myself as mentioned above. It mean that men need to recognise that the connection with other evolved men, or men who are in the process of evolution and betterment are a solid base for us not to feel alone and isolated in our experience.

It also means that we have a platform that is void of shame so the whole process becomes about consistent opening which in respect of direction, leads us to understanding what love is and how to love being present in the experience. Love is no longer a transactional idea, but one that fuels and fulfils our masculinity to be able to continue to evolve and touch as many people as we can through their elevation.

I do believe that all men need this because our society is so fundamentally flawed in how men need to be. So many systems and ways of thinking but most of which point to being this “alpha” stereotype. Our masculine evolution doesn’t mean that we have to give up things that we enjoy as men. Just because I can relate wholeheartedly to the feminine and be present in the experience, does not remove the fact that I love motorbikes and extreme sports and guns and knives and all things that stereotypically are connected to men. It does mean however, that we can become fully rounded and the central theme is being deeply connected to everything we do. It is this deep connection that makes us move to become evolved. Because the more detached we are the more we are still holding onto our immature masculine.

Masculinity should really mean responsibility. The more we are supported into becoming this evolved masculine the more equipped we become in being present for the things that we are needed for. The world needs great men, and the potential that we all have is exactly that. We can all be great men.