When I think of self-image, my understanding has always been informed by my years of clinical psychological practice. I view the self-image as an integral part in being able to make the necessary adjustments in ones thinking and behaving patterns.

The beauty of the self-image is that it is a double edge sword. On the one side, you have all your traumas and past negative experiences informing the narrative around how you see yourself. You then look for experiences to justify or validate this self-image which causes it to become more engrained and entrenched. On the flip side, you have the option of reflecting on your self- image and working towards effective thinking scripts and behaviours to adjust the manner in which you see past experiences and traumas. The essence behind the latter is that you use your self-image to inform the way you want to live and readjust your mindset to see how everything is serving you.

Because we do not really have what I call “well informed” behavioural education programs, parenting styles differ and our self-image is more often than not constructed quite unconsciously. This is even though we have a general feel for what self-image we carry within us. This unconscious connection with our self-image can be carried throughout life and only until we are faced with a dire situation where we have to look at ourselves and question who we are and what we are becoming; it is only then that we get a closer look at who we are.

Once the veil of naivety is lifted, we cannot go back because then we are just being disingenuous otherwise. So, the work that is needed in looking at yourself image will take a fair amount of time and effort to readjust but it is essential in being able to be the person you choose to be, and be responsible of that individual too.

When I speak about the sexual self-image, there is a difference between the psychological self-image. On the one side I see a sexological self-image often avoided because we have an uncanny ability of separating our sexual self from our daily functional self. So, we box this sexual self-image and just see the need to attend to it when we have sex. Other than that moment, there is no need to incorporate it into daily functioning.

This is where I believe many people have misunderstood the role and importance of the sexual self-image. Essentially the sexual self-image needs to be incorporated into the overall self-image of the individual. It also needs to be incorporated in such a way that it becomes a central and driving force behind your motivations in life and is almost like a cauldron of infinite energy that we have the choice to apply to anything we do in life… not just bound to the bedroom.

It is already a strange task to look at your self image and be practical in deciding how that self-image is going to be moulded into the person you want to become, but when we delve into the sexual self, there will no doubt be a lot of uncertainty in the constructing of this image of yourself. 

Both sides, namely the psychological and sexological self-image need time and nurturing before you have found a well-balanced place to be in. What this means is that you need to make the time to understand what each type means to you, and really assess where things are going well and where things are not going well. 

As a rule of thumb, I suggest looking at these 6 fundamental areas of your life and identify where your deficits are. Once you’ve identified the deficits or where things are going wrong, it is here where you can make the necessary adjustments in learning to align the self-image with the sexual self-image. 

1.     Psychology

2.     Emotionality

3.     Finances

4.     Physicality

5.     Relationality (sexuality)

6.     Spirituality

Vaya Con Dios