Purity is the first task of a triad necessary for men to master. The key aspect to understand purity is in its definition. 

The dictionary definition of purity is freedom from adulteration or contamination, or freedom from immorality. 

Realistically it does not matter what day and age we are born into or come from, or from which society we have grown up in – sexuality is undeniably present in all of us at every moment behind the veil or without the veil. The problem here is that we are never taught to understand or connect with our sexuality from a young age. We automatically connect purity with its dictionary definition due to the sexual undertones, and how society has grown further to connect the term with this understanding. In my mind, I see your “Mother Theresa Prototype” as the ideal and would be an image of purity in human form to strive for. 

I am by no means being blasphemous in my comparison with Mother Theresa and the random Joe Blog who thinks primarily with his penis. However there is something I need to highlight, and this is the similarity between the two. 

Joe Blog experiences the same euphoria as Mother Theresa! Their passion and dedication have transcended towards two very different belief systems. Mother Theresa’s conscious focus and dedication is towards God and she experiences the warmth, comfort and elation of being engulfed by God’s presence and beauty in the world, in her life, and in the life of others, and furthermore connecting with the beauty in miracles that life offers us. 

Joe Blog’s conscious focus is on strippers, sexy women, debauchery, sex, physical gratification and money. We assume that there is no correlation between the two, however take a second to explore the mode in which Joe Blog worships all of the above. The strippers for example provoke a mindset of absolute adoration and love for the female being and physical form on display. This is similar to the absolute adoration and love we feel for a statue of the Buddha or the Mary mother of any other religious figure. It is not about the sexualisation of the stripper but the feelings of adoration, appreciation, passion and love being felt. 

Taking this stance we can all experience purity, however I believe the key question is how do we experience purity in thought or action or both?

On average, the human mind experiences 75000 thoughts in one day, many of which are unconscious and rarely acted upon. How could we ever truly be pure in thought? I ponder this question often and in many respects I do not believe that Mother Theresa never had any impure thoughts during her time on earth. Instead I believe she was able to connect absolute elation with pure thoughts and deeds with the aid of conditioning or habit and she was then able to chose whether she wanted to act on these intrusive thoughts or not. 

Her choice was clearly one which was guided by the hand of God to which she invested her time and energy and prayers into being a symbol of peace in aiding the bodily and psychological suffering of others. She was able to transform what to others may seem a chore and yet when she encountered someone suffering she would be there with them and suffer with them. She was able to transform something negative into kindness, compassion and empathy, which in turn brought her closer to God. She was able to achieve the three levels of fulfillment—psychological, physical and spiritual. 

Joe Blog on the other hand, experiences purity in his ability to adore the human form and femininity. However he does not transcend the physical to learn to endure and understand the psychological and spiritual—he is trapped in the purity of the physical form. 

This brings me to the second part of the Honour triangle—Virtue.

The second leg of this tripod is founded on the presence of moral standards. Our moral belief system is mostly derived from our parents or the people we are in contact first when born into this world, which is later, reinforced by people who socialize us into the world. I do not believe in or see the benefit of having guilt attached to morals because guilt is a state of self punishment whereas high moral standards are based according to ones ability in feeling what is an emotionally correct way of living ones life. The choices that Mother Theresa makes versus Joe Blog may be morally sound to each individual, however not in contrast with the other. This is where the challenge of morality enters. 

“Compassion is the basis of morality” (Schopenhauer)

“Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. So aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something. (Thoreau).

There is no need to debate one’s morals – but I can assure you this. As human beings we have enough emotional intelligence to know what is morally sound to us. If we dig deep and really ask ourselves that fundamental question of whether something truly sits well with us, we will know the answer.

Once we are able to connect with this response then we are more available to adjusting our behaviors accordingly. This is a struggle for every human being but should be seen as part of a lifelong dedication to learning how to master it. I feel that as men we do not allow ourselves the opportunity to master this, but instead avoid digging deep and delving into our psyche with the intention of leaving a legacy of greatness in our sons and daughters. Too much is focused on the superficialities of life and not enough on the gift of human experience and connectedness. 

An additional problem arises with the debate on virtue and morality, in that your view of morality and what makes you virtuous is not necessarily what your partner/girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/friends/family might see as fitting for them.

This brings me onto the final and most important part of the triangle—Honour.

The verb “Honour” is defined as “regard with great respect”. This definition is different from the noun, which is defined as “high respect and great esteem”. I focus predominantly on the verb because as children we are taught how to differentiate between a noun and a verb by recalling that a verb is a “doing word”. The key factor to consider here is, how does one “do Honour”?

In my view it is about making conscious decisions, which take in regard others, and how one’s choices would impact on the psychological wellbeing of another. I am by no means suggesting readers to become people pleasers, however what I will suggest is that for your partner to feel loved, the second they feel considered will allow them a feeling of bliss and containment. Honour is not about one large honorable act. Instead I find great enjoyment in the accumulation of many honorable acts of kindness without the desire to reap benefit. It is a selfless experience that holds the hope that someone else will observe an act of kindness and replicate it. 

The fundamental act of honor is doing what is righteous and fitting for us, and where we experience resistance to it, it is necessary to take a step back and reflect on why such resistance has come about to the given situation. Resistance, fear and anxiety are all tools that can be used to assist in our growth towards being more honourable. 

The ultimate battle we have has to be with our heart and mind. Our choices in life are founded on the balance between heart and mind. We will always find that this is where conflict arises and the sooner you find a balance between the two, the more readily available you will be to face life. If something plays on your conscience, this is where real reflection needs to take place. Always remember, that words cannot be undone but an action is filled with a thousand words… so make them count.