It doesn’t matter which disorder I focus on, be it OCD or Bipolar, or Depression. All of them have a common component that is hardly spoken about. This is namely sexual deservingness. Deservingness in general is a hard topic to digest for many people, and one of the core themes that all of us should try and understand in our own personal development. I believe that much of this deservingness is deeply connected to the feeling of self-soothing and moreover connected the full surrender of sexual gratification.

If we are able to allow ourselves to be completely embracing of our sexuality without a hint of judgement or guilt or shame, we have made immense progress in our personal development. Moreover, if we take the stance of recognising that sexuality should be one of the central topics we explore and the basic foundation that all other matters of the self rest upon, we would be much clearer on understanding the deservingness that we need. 

Unfortunately we do things a bit backwards. Sexuality in society in general is the last of the “important” themes that we should cover. We’ve been taught to focus on success and career and even relationships but in very specific ways. Very compartmentalised and boxed ways. Instead of assisting people to realise that the sense of freedom in itself can come directly from our deservingness in our sexuality. 

We fail to create a profound relationship with our sexuality and it is only much later in adulthood that we may challenge the boundaries, beliefs and behaviours we have around our sexuality. If we’re lucky to get to that point then reading this article makes sense in that you are already on the path to further acceptance of your sexual self.

If you are new to some of these concepts, then the idea of sexual deservingness will make no sense because more than likely you are still struggling with the concept of deservingness in itself. I believe that the two go hand in hand and we need to unpack what sexual deservingness truly is.

Deservingness can be mixed up with the concept of universal human rights. We often see deservingness in the context of punishment, resources and the procedures and treatment to which people are subjected. Moreover, people take the stance of believing that the world works according to deservingness principles, much like karma will give you what you deserve. 

From my position, deservingness is a choice that we have to arrive at in our personal development where we can truly give ourselves the goodness and kindness that we see fit for ourselves. This is not a decision of partial deservingness, this is truly investing in yourself and seeing yourself as the individual who should in your egoless opinion be as kind and loving as possible to yourself.

It could be argued that this kind of deservingness should be a universal human right, and I largely agree with this idea, but all the systems we live in vary and are different. So the context and system we are in will have a large impact on the way we see our deservingness. Nonetheless it will still come down to our self-image and how we attach deservingness to the image we have of ourselves.

The advice here is that the concept of deservingness and sexual deservingness need to be explored more so that you can place the meaning and understanding on the concept. They are not easy themes to understand even though they come across as simple. The same sense of justice that we feel when we see a rapist or murderer under trial needs to be switched around towards ourselves, but with kindness and the same sense of needing justice for ourselves. That we need to fight tooth and nail to give ourselves everything we truly deserve. Here the choice is entirely up to you.