Making Love or Being Love? Why “Being Love” Transcends Simple Romance
Apr 15, 2025
Introduction
When we think of intimacy, we’re often torn between two extremes: “fucking” and “making love.” Yet I believe there’s a third concept we rarely talk about—one that resonates on a different level entirely. That concept is “being love.” It shifts us away from transactional, tit-for-tat relationships and toward a daily practice of reverence and kindness. Below, we’ll explore why being love is so impactful, how it differs from typical notions of love, and ways to bring this stance into our everyday interactions and romantic encounters.
The Problem with Transactional Love
A Culture of Exchange
From the time we’re young, many of us learn that love or friendship is something we trade. If someone shows you affection, you reciprocate—sometimes expecting an even bigger return. While some reciprocity is natural, a purely transaction-based dynamic can feel hollow. It sets us up to calculate, to keep emotional score, rather than give from an authentic, open-hearted place.
Respect Beyond Transaction
Imagine a relationship or friendship grounded in mutual respect, not because we’re expecting an equal or greater payoff, but because expressing kindness, compassion, and support is a fundamental part of who we are. That’s the difference between a transactional approach and one rooted in a being love approach. It’s love for love’s sake—no strings attached.
Introducing “Being Love”
A Daily Practice of Reverence
What do I mean by “being love”? It’s a holistic attitude that pervades your entire day, guiding how you treat yourself and the world around you. Reverence—that deep sense of respect and care—becomes the bedrock. Instead of fixating on what we can get from others, we focus on the energy we give and the presence we carry.
Key Insight: When you radiate love in your words, actions, and mindset, you establish a resonance that naturally invites trust, openness, and genuine connection—both with loved ones and strangers alike.
How “Being Love” Transforms You
Expanding Emotional Availability
Choosing to be love means you’re more likely to stay anchored in positive, constructive states. You spend less time mired in lower-level emotions—shame, guilt, neediness, or fear. It also reshapes how you perceive your self-image and sexual self-image, allowing you to approach intimacy without the usual anxieties or insecurities.
Imagine stepping into a social gathering or entering the bedroom without second-guessing your worth, but instead resting in a core belief that you are love.
Facilitating Growth and Creativity
When you choose love over anger or apathy, you liberate emotional and mental energy. That energy can then fuel your creative pursuits or spark new collaborations, because you’re no longer weighed down by resentment or isolation.
Historical & Cultural Shifts Toward Love
Lessons from Gandhi and the 1960s
Consider Gandhi’s stance against the British Empire—he demonstrated how “being love” can be an unwavering force, even in resistance. Or reflect on the 1960s “make love, not war” ethos, where masses of people embraced a communal vibe. Although psychedelics played a role in heightening awareness, the underlying resonance was a desire for compassion, peace, and unity—a fervent expression of being love on a cultural scale.
Renewed Importance Today
We’re witnessing a new wave of emphasis on love and empathy in our modern discourse. Whether it’s through mindfulness movements, mental health advocacy, or spiritual practices, the idea of love as a daily ethos is gaining traction. The next step is sustaining it—truly weaving it into how we move through life.
Making Love vs. Being Love in the Bedroom
Deepening Intimacy
Now, apply this perspective to sexual encounters. Making love suggests a romantic, heart-centered approach to sex, but it can still be somewhat transactional if the unspoken goal is “I please you, you please me.” By contrast, being love entails a mindset of total acceptance and compassion. It nurtures a space where you and your partner feel free from criticism, emotional armour, or performance-driven anxiety.
The Felt Sensation
Imagine entering an intimate moment where you’re not worried about impressing your partner or “getting something in return.” Instead, you embody a warmth and gentleness that dissolves insecurity. That’s where “being love” changes the entire erotic dynamic, offering complete surrender and mutual exploration.
Practical Ways to Embody “Being Love”
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Set a Daily Intention
- Upon waking, choose a mantra like “I am love,” or “My intention is to show kindness today.”
- Check in with yourself midday—am I living this?
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Practice Non-Attachment
- Avoid expecting reciprocity for every kind deed.
- If you find yourself thinking “I did X, so I should get Y,” gently shift your focus back to giving for its own sake.
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Regulate Emotional States
- Notice when irritation creeps in. Ask yourself if you’d rather expend the energy on being upset or pivot to love.
- Use breath work or mindful pauses to recalibrate when anger or shame starts to surface.
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Apply It in Intimacy
- Before sexual activity, take a moment with your partner—breathe, make eye contact, affirm your love without demands.
- Treat the experience as a co-creation of warmth, respect, and curiosity, rather than a performance or transaction.
Conclusion
Choosing to be love, rather than just make love, challenges conventional notions of what relationships look like. It calls us to go beyond transactional mindsets, opening us to a profound, daily practice of empathy, reverence, and kindness. This shift doesn’t just alter how we connect in the bedroom—it can transform every interaction, big or small.
Vaya Con Dios
As you go about your day, ask yourself: Is this action driven by a desire to get something back, or am I simply choosing to be love? That one question can serve as a powerful compass, gently guiding you toward a life defined by deeper connections, enriched creativity, and a resonance that uplifts everyone you encounter.
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