Condom Usage/Mask Usage During Covid 

I was so privileged to have a panel discussion with Gabrielle Lodd, the founder and CEO of Green Condom Club (https://www.greencondom.club). One of the points made during the discussion was that men are predominantly the individuals who choose to use condoms less that women during sex. Equally during this Covid pandemic there have been findings that suggest men are the primary candidates choosing not to wear masks either. A link to the BBC article can be found here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-53446827

Working in the world of sex therapy, I have an extensive background working in HIV testing and sexual health and what has always been an interesting phenomenon is that it is more often than not men who present as the individuals who have failed to use a condom and are more concerned about the after affects when contracting an STI or infection that instils a greater degree of worry into their system.

This rude awakening per se, does not last very long as there is a common reoccurrence of the same testers returning to the clinic because they have exposed themselves through not using condoms or protection.

One would think that you have been through an emotional ordeal and potentially avoided catching something, so this should adjust behaviour and thinking around condom usage, but the unfortunate reality is that it doesn’t most of the time.

So, what is actually going on? Why not simply use a condom and take responsibility of the sexual situation and show a more evolved mindset?

These are some of the questions I have because the current narrative that you’ll find associated with condom usage is that:

-       It doesn’t feel the same 

-       The condom is too tight

-       The condom is too loose

-       It takes away from the moment 

-       I feel like there is a barrier between me and my partner

-       I prefer it raw and if a woman doesn’t want it that way then I wont have sex with her

-       It doesn’t feel natural 

-       I lose my erection 

-       My partner has an allergy 

-       I cant cum when I wear one

-       It affects my performance 

-       I’ve been tested so I don’t need to use one 

-       I don’t have a condom at hand 

These are but some of the examples of comments that have been engrained in the masculine narrative and the problem here is that women are largely duped into believing this, potentially reinforcing this type of behaviour. At the end of the day when you have two consenting adults engaging sexually, the responsibility is between you both. But speaking from my vantage point, if I am in a situation where I know there is a potential for sexual intercourse I will be bringing more than one condom for sure. 

There are two fundamental problems around condom usage. On the one hand you have the problem with the masculine sexual mindset and then the second is the feminine sexual mindset. Both of which need to have certain points readjusted and the core script and narrative altered.

When people engage in sex, there is more responsibility that is needed not only for the act itself but also for the protection of yourself and the other person. There is the very real risk of contracting an STI but there is also the very real potential of getting hurt emotionally. The core to both of these dilemmas still rests on the responsibility of both parties and their ability to act according to their values.

Whether the problem be around mask usage, condom usage, or any other type of usage that may arise it is still essential that individuals start recognising that they are firstly responsible for all the choices they make living in a society, because these choices will inevitably impact someone in your social system. We cannot be naive in thinking that our choices do not impact anyone. There is a direct correlation between the usage of face masks and condoms. If all it takes is a condom or facemask to protect someone else from the HIV virus or the Covid virus and we do not do this, this highlights a fundamental crack in your ability to be human and caring for anything other than yourself, I.e. Narcissistic.

It’s a very similar scenario to when you see a piece of litter on the beach. Whose responsibility is it to pick it up? In my opinion it is yours because you were there at the time, but then equally it was the responsibility of the person who dropped it. This is the dilemma. If we as a collective do not start recognising that we are ALL responsible for everything we will always have a society in decline and avoiding that it is their responsibility.

This does not mean we have to be conformist to what our systems are imposing on us, but it does mean that we can allow ourselves to be more human and more connected and more responsible for the wellbeing of everyone. If everyone took this stance then there would be far less issues in the HIV world, Covid world and in the world in general.

Regardless of the statistics pointing out that men are the ones that are less likely to wear condoms or face masks, the concern for me is around what masculinity is becoming. My grandfather would be turning in his grave if he saw the level of disrespect and manner in which women are treated nowadays. The sense of social responsibility was deeply engrained in him and an essential value that anyone can learn to adopt into their development. 

We are all going through our own journeys and no doubt experiencing a varied range of encounters and emotions and difficulties and wins and losses. But this doesn’t take away from cultivating a greater sense of responsibility towards yourself and then others. Responsibility is healthy, and we have to redefine what healthy looks like. Healthy can be sexy too but this can only be so if we adjust our relationship to what this means for us. 

Vaya Con Dios